Good Day Brethren
You know, a lot of people are under the impression that we here a St Leonards, along with all our Priory Brothers up and down the country, live a very insular life, with no awareness of the outside world and it's doings.
Actually, nothing could be futher from the truth.
For instance, only last evening just before Vesper, we held our weekly quiz night - adapted obviously for Priory sensibilities.
'Complete the title of Andrew Lloyd Webber's famous musical; Jesus ... what ... Superstar'.
We also have the latest in hi-tech computer games. 'Sister Lara Croft - Catholic Tomb Raider'.
And here's another case in hand. Brother Cliffordous - our new head of PR at St Leonards - was so inspired by the recent success of team GB out in China, he's instigated the 'Inter Faith Olympics'. Although, I must say, I do have my misgivings.
'And on the last bend of the fifteen hundred meteres final, Abu Hamza is neck and neck with the Holy Father, golden robe flowing, crucifix and swastika glinting in the hot afternon sun, as Rabbi Lionel Blue makes a late surge on the inside lane'.
'But wait a minute, Hamza is attempting to garrote Pope Benedict the Sixteenth with his prosthetic hook. And goodness me, disaster for Rabbi Blue, who's sent tumbling from the track by the Bishop's flailing papal staff'.
No, I'm sorry, we've had too much of these running, jumping and throwing games of late. Now we've got the Paralympics as well.
Please don't misunderstand, I'm all in favour of letting these poor unfortunates have a go, and they do very well ... in their own little way.
No, It's the organisers I have a gripe with, blatantly discriminating against the most obviously impaired in our community.
For example; those with learning difficulties - they're not represented. There'd be problems, granted, but not insurmountable.
'Now then Archie, I've made little coloured markers along the track every so often so you'll know how far the race is'. 'So when you see Tinky, then Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and finally Poo, you'll know it's over'.
And what about the ASBO's - Why aren't they included? Although it'd be unwise to feature them in the fencing and archery events I admit.
But they'd be brilliant in the relay, providing they'd looked upon the baton as a nicked DVD player.
'Ere Wayne, cop hold of this an' don't drop it 'yer mong'.
Even the title's incorrect. There isn't a Paragliding event in the whole thing.
I'm sorry, there's just too much competitiveness on television these days in my humble opinion.
Anyway, it'll soon be time for Vesper, and we've got to rehearse for the next series of 'Last Choir Standing on Ice'.
Peace be upon you
Brother Scaramouche
