I have been studying monologues at school for a part of my English GCSE and it has involved writing a monologue of my own which I can submitt as as a coursework peice if I chose to. I've just finished writing it and I have to take it into school tomorrow so I would really appreciate any thoughts. I'm quite proud of it at the moment but I'm worried that it's actually a badly written load of crap. So.. yeah, any thoughts would be great.

Thanks.

Scene opens to a middle-aged woman standing on the edge of a tower block wearing a posh red dress and no shoes, her toes are sticking over the edge

There’s something so clichéd about killing yourself on Valentine’s Day.

Glances downwards

Oh well, too late now.

Leans forward as if to jump and then leans back at the very last minute

I wish I’d thought of that earlier. It seems ridiculous that I hadn’t really, since it’s not like this was some spur of the moment decision. Much careful thought and planning has gone into this moment, the moment that I jump and ultimately, die. Die. The word still sends little shocks of excitement through me. No more hardship, no more loneliness, just ever lasting, blissful, peaceful, perfect quiet.
The quiet. That’s what I’ll have to focus on. Don’t think about the fall, Meggie, just focus on the quiet.

Fade to black

It’s a shocking thing, realising you want to die. It isn’t exactly a conscious thought, but more of a gradually building longing, something it takes you a while to place. Then when you do place it… well, it’s indescribable.
I remember when I first realised, it was just after a particularly stormy visit from Steve, my ex.
“Look at yourself,” he’d said. “You’re a bloody mess. Course I don’t want you anywhere near MY kids.” HIS kids? MY kids! It wasn’t him, legs spread wide in excruciating pain pushing a miniature person screaming into the world was it? I think not. So no, Steve. They’re not just your kids, they hate my guts but considering the physical distress I (listen to that Steve, I) went through the bring them into this world they’re more mine than anybody else’s.
I said that to you once, Steve, Do you remember how you answered? You brought up the booze and the smack and told me I deserved to be alone.
“You’ll rot in hell for all you’ve put them kids through.” You snarled at me.
Well you’ll regret it now, babe, tomorrow, when they’re peeling my broken corpse off the pavement. Just you wait, babe. Just you wait.

Shifts around slightly, ever close to the edge. Digs a small bottle of alcohol out of her purse

I think I was always destined for this you know, ever since I was a kid. I had a gran that topped herself I did. Never met her. In fact, she never lived long enough to be any kind of parentage so I s’pose ‘gran’ isn’t really the word for her, is it? My mum always did say I was far too like her. My mum, now, that’s a pause for thought. I wonder what she’ll think tomorrow. What will she be doing when she gets that fateful phone call? Hoovering the carpet? Hanging out the washing? And what will she do afterwards? Will she run next door to get Margaret? Break down crying, alone? Or just… carry on. I hope it’s the latter. She ruined my life but she’s still my mum and I don’t want her to be sad. I want her to hate me, just like I do. Hate makes everything easier. My daughters have shown that. And so have I, the fact I am sitting here now willing myself to take that definitive step, to move forward slightly, into the endless oblivion of a 600 foot fall. That proves what hate can do. Hate makes you brave. And love? Well I was always told that love made you do what’s right. So that’s what I’m doing. I love my daughters and my mum, that’s why I’m here now, about to commit the sin of all sins. Something so terrible that all the small things I’ve done in my life will cease to matter. I’m going to hell, true and simple. And I can’t honestly say it’s anything less than I deserve.

Pause

I hope my daughters know that I love them. Holly, Sarah, I hope you know that I’m doing this for you. I’ve been a terrible mother, I know, but it’s okay. Everything’s all right now. I’m going to make it all right. They say a mother’s love has the power to break a hole in the surface of the universe. Well this is what my love is doing, now. I’m giving you away to a better life, to your dad. To my mum, who knew she’d turn out to be the most doting and loving grandparent in the known world? 20 years ago I never would’ve. Look after her for me, darlings. Make each other strong. And know that I’m doing this because I love you, I wish that my first non selfish act in your lives didn’t have to be my last and I’m sorry that I never did anything for you before but just, please… know that I love you, and I always will.

Meggie closes her eyes

It has always astounded me how a life can go so wrong, so fast.

Pause

“To die would be an awfully big adventure.”

Pause

That’s from Peter Pan, my Holly’s favourite film.

Long pause

And now there is nothing left me to do other than to close my eyes, take a deep breath,

Pause

And fly…